A “beauty for ashes” story of life after murder – what you will never read in the headlines.
Set Free From Darkness, by Susan Klarkowski-Rasmussen
RELEASE DATE: September 20, 2015
In 1987 I had dreams of marriage and a family. I had a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter and a nice home. I wanted to know the God that could create a child so perfect. I began exploring my spiritual options.
While researching New Age philosophies I would go through mental illness psychosis leaving me with the worst fear I could ever know. I was afraid of my thoughts and myself. With misdiagnosis and failed hospitalizations I ended up taking the life of my 10-month-old child.
Set Free From Darkness will take you from tears to victory. I set out “to know the God that could create a child so perfect” and He answered my prayer but in a much deeper more complex way.
He loved me enough to allow my heart to be broken so I could begin a journey to learn to love and forgive.
Susan Klarkowski-Rasmussen has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, believes in the full gospel of the Bible, complete with the Spiritual Gifts, and retains the respect for others who are on their journey seeking the “light”. Growing up with legalism, rules and regulations she has come to view God in a much broader way.
Susan is happily married and has been the shepherd of four goats, two dogs, one cat and a rooster. She and her husband, John, live near Green Bay, Wisconsin. She would be the first one to admit that she did not have what it took to live out this story, but for some reason she was chosen. Now she is grateful to be on this side of the pain, sharing a story of hope and restoration. “There is something that happens inside a person when what they hold dear is stripped from them. If once they can let go of the guilt and sadness, a healing takes place that creates a strength unknown to many.”
Susan will tell you she didn’t do anything special…she just got up every day and somehow managed to take another step.
Susan would like to share some thoughts with you, dear readers:
I wrote my book to tell this story and in part to come to terms with my own pain. I begged God for years to please never let anyone find out about me and the crime I committed. But I knew deep down that what I feared owned me. As long as only a few people knew about me I could continue to work in the community and live my life but always lurking like a shadow was the possibility and probability of being found out. While I did not have a handle on it for myself, I felt I had to explain my story to one person at a time until I suppose the whole world knew and understood.
One big problem with that plan – I still had not come to terms with my own guilt and shame. As time wore on and the book came together I had come a long ways to the reconciliation of my own peace of mind. The one thing left was this, how would I handle the criticism that was sure to follow the telling of such a delicate subject. I knew I would find people on one side of the fence or the other. Either they understood because they too have had mental illness or a family member with an illness or they would be outraged due to ignorance on the subject. I was ready for both of those.
What surprised me the most were the people that would literally say – Nothing. The silent friendly fire. Maybe that is another reason a “silencer” on a gun was given thatname. Do the damage but not so anyone can hear. So it left me to my own imagination to come up with the reason for the silence. Oh we would talk about the weather, sports, whatever but they acted like I had never handed them a copy of the nightmare I lived. That right there was the one item I really needed to understand and come up with a strategy deal with it.
After a good long time and a few major meltdowns it finally came down to this – Other people’s opinions were not my concern. If someone understood or if they didn’t understand or if they were not going to acknowledge it, it had little to do with me but more to do with their relationship with God. Once I understood that, I was no longer held captive by what other people thought about me and my story, whether they understood or didn’t understand or were somewhere in the middle.
I did not survive this ordeal and write the book to convince anyone, merely to present a side of the story very seldom told. And whether you agree or disagree it doesn’t make it any less true. When the chips were down, it was me and my family and close personal friends, but then when I was alone, it was just me and no one else left with my disgrace, until I got reintroduced to Jesus.
I have found total restoration with the help of God the Father, Jesus the Son and the power of the Holy Spirit. I get it now, our problems no matter how we view them, big or small, are momentary trials and will be replaced someday by a crown. I stand before God today and one day in the future for He knows I speak only the truth in my book.
So if you like my story or don’t like my story, remember I did not write it, yes of course I wrote the book, Set Free From Darkness, but I’m not the original Author of it. The first 50 pages can be difficult to read, they were horrific to live, but I assure you, you will soon see God’s restoration in my life.
This is a book of hope as I truly believe “all things work out for good.” Early on, if someone would have told me that I would be saying that good came out of this I would have said “they” were out of their mind. I can attest however that so many things have come full circle since the start of this story. It is an important story that sheds light on what is generally feared out of ignorance.
Beautifully said, Susan. I hope all the best for you.